"There is nothing I hate more than nothing."

Disconnected exhaustion. Patience excruciating. A wasted day spent pacing these four corners. A single tear dripped from the bottom of my cheek a moment ago.

Deadlock. I hate it when I feel like this. That feeling of what the hell am I supposed to do now? Except my priority lies in others, not myself:

I had an interview for a new writing position for publications and websites - the first real interview I've had in the last several months. By this I mean it lasted more than 5 minutes, and they asked me substantial questions that everyone always warns you about and to prepare for. My family already has my life planned out as though I've already landed the job.

But I know better than that... I've stopped making plans, and just started doing. Strictly a go-with-the-flow and see what happens kind of attitude. I hardly care about what happens to me; I keep others in such close consideration, I seem to care more about them than I do for myself.

I closed my savings account. I have nothing left to save. But this bitch of a job search is the least of my concern. I find myself giving seniority to more important things in life than a steady paycheck.


With a sketchbook full of projects, I have finally dug out my art supplies and started working on them. My ideas are to use them, instead of simply making them for myself or to practice my skill, and I have all the confidence in the world that I will someday. Someday very soon.