Mmm... gravy...

It's amazing how much time you spend taking pictures of yourself to find that perfect shot, and it still doesn't do justice.
But there it is post-haircut: longish with shorter layers and some mega-sweet "bang" action. What makes this haircut great is I could wake up with the nastiest bedheads and it would be perfect (i.e. myspace profile pic - - myspace.com/Z_Rachel)

Every time I go to the salon, I wish I had a personal hair washer / head massager. Despite my clenching neck as they awkwardly position it in the nook of those cold, porcelain sinks, I could still lie there for hours with someone lathering up my head...
...rinse and repeat.

My favorite holiday is tomorrow and I've been invited up to New York for a long and uber fantastic weekend at my brother's since no one in my family will be around again. It'll sure beat last year's slew of pity invites from co-workers who felt bad for you that your family isn't even in the same state. Thanksgiving is saved!

I can already imagine this in some children's movie special; maybe it will give Turkey Day the recognition it so rightly deserves. I refuse to acknowledge all things Christmas before this one day I can embrace my gluttonous disposition until I bleed cranberry sauce and gravy.

I mean, come on! It's a whole day dedicated to food and football... what could be better? Don't answer that ;-)

"Why don't you make like a tree, and get the f*ck out of here."

I am still wearing my pajamas. I never bothered to change after already braving the stiffening cold chill this morning as I finally managed to crawl out from within my warm and comfy mound of twisted sheets. My motivation to even bother getting out of bed in the first place is progressively slipping away. Unemployment and living out of suitcases is killing my self-confidence, but there is still hope.

I was called in for an interview Monday at the Chestnut Hill Coffee Co. in a very swanky area of Philadelphia. Driving into the city limits on Germantown Ave, passed some of the largest stone mansions I have ever seen, the trees parted into a beautiful area; trolley car tracks embedded through the center of cobblestone streets, historical buildings renovated into one-of-a-kind stores, and a tiny magazine stand at the top of a train station lined with green paint-chipped benches. I can only imagine the cost of living. Yikes.

And this upscale coffee shop is serious about their espresso, just check out the site:

www.chestnuthillcoffee.com

They are the #1 coffee joint in the city, and possibly 5th in the nation, so when "Mr. national barista champion" began grilling me about my piss-poor coffee knowledge, it occurred to me just how upscale this place is... very intimidating to say the least.

The interview went well and they pretty much already want me to come back for a second interview to meet the owner. Although I'm still waiting to hear from them on when, which is starting to discourage my impatient self.

Of course, I'm feeling discouraged with just about everything in my life right now. I can't figure out which health insurance plan to go with or who to get it from and I only have about 2 1/2 weeks left to decide. I also got my first loan bill earlier this week... and there are many more to come. *headdesk*

I know I've mentioned the thrill of how anything could happen at this point and all, but I wish something would uh... you know, happen. Any smidgen of certainty, or purpose. Something to keep me motivated, to give me a reason to get out of bed tomorrow.

"Are you gonna bark all day little doggie or are you gonna bite?"

A few years ago I discovered the hard way that you can't completely rely on people, even your closest friends. You can only rely on yourself. So I'm taking matters into my own hands and moving forward now.

Some friends have offered me the luxury of being their roomate a few months ago, but I hesitated. My heart has been doing a lot of the talking lately, trying to convince me into doing something stupid. Being so concerned with "logic", I don't think moving to a strange city by myself for someone I've only known for 3 months would be a good idea.

I need to look out for myself and then see how said someone measures up instead of jumping into things and realizing it doesn't work out. Not to say that it wouldn't, just um... throwing caution to the wind. None of this has been discussed, it's just me thinking too much. But my head makes a good point, I should pay attention to it more often.

Anyway, I'm currently making plans to move in with a friend (who I've known since my freshman year) in Philadelphia (where I had lived for awhile before). Some familiarity can be a good thing, and getting away from all that is too familiar is a better thing, but avoiding potential disaster is the key thing. The key thing indeed.

But right now I need a haircut despite everyone's recent compliments. I want to keep it long-ish with shorter layers, but I'm afraid of it being too 80's. Although, Joan Jett is pretty damn cool.

I might even go for some bangs this time, but I am open to suggestions.

"Kids are running around naked f*cking in the bushes."

I don't consider myself very nostalgic, but crossing the border into Pennsylvania was beyond enthralling. I watched the temperature slowly drop as we drove further north, and insisted on stopping at every Sheetz gas station we passed. My old college friends are already making plans to meet up; it's nice to know you are missed.

Apparently I've been the talk of my small hometown lately too. People were excited when they received my Absentee Ballot, I guess because no one really goes anywhere around here. And no I did NOT vote for Obama, thank you very much. Republican all the way and damn proud of it.

Next month I will be off my parent's health insurance, so I've been taking advantage of that while I'm here. I made an appointment with the doc yesterday; two vaccinations and some new prescriptions later, I went ahead and made another appointment in a few weeks for more vaccinations. Booya.

I haven't quite "settled in" yet and I don't think I will either. The 5 suitcases that are my life are currently exploding all over my old room. Things aren't unbearable, but I know they will be; there's a reason I haven't officially been back in 5 years and I'd like to avoid rediscovering that reason.

Besides my work ethic is like an unstoppable, constantly growing being that must feed on the unfinished, the unorganized, and all looming projects. If I ever find myself in a state of boredom, my god... the chaos. In other words, I need to find work or I'll disintegrate into a pile of dust, be sucked up into a vacuum cleaner, thrown into the garbage can, then driven off to some landfill to rot and be forgotten.

Or worse, I'll be bored. *gasp*

"We gave out pieces of Candy on Halloween. Candy was... a dancer."

Spontaneity trumps logic. I'm officially Pennsylvania-bound in less than 12 hours. My mother called to give me the option of leaving this weekend instead of waiting another endless week, so I jumped on that train and got the early flight outta here.

I see going home as a sort of check point, to refuel, to reconnect with my self, to regain what I feel like I've lost. And all with the knowledge that it will be temporary. I have to take a step backward before I can move forward, especially after what I've been through these last 3 months.

I felt like such a dousche calling my boss to inform her of my sudden departure, but she couldn't have been more understanding. And she has been very helpful and supportive while I was here knowing my situation. She hugged me about four times when I came in for my final shift, and then to say goodbye.

I just started training another girl too. She's a very strange woman, almost to the point that she would make a good Halloween costume, and always says things like "Sweet Jesus" and "Good grief". But she's soo fun to train; I drew her a diagram today to visualize the difference between a cappuccino and a latte.

Closing for the last time (I am sick washing the same dishes and smelling like bleach every night), I started to feel overwhelmingly sad, like a hippopotamus was sitting on my chest. I turned off the lights, locked the door behind me, stepped out on the street and the feeling drifted away with the wind. I knew I wouldn't come back if they paid me... or paid me more.

I will miss my co-worker Melissa's bounty hunter instincts with flies, flirting with some of the regulars who never seem to realize I have work to do, and obviously the free coffee. But I'm not going to leave empty handed. I've learned all I ever wanted to know about coffee, met good people, and now have many interesting memories to cherish... or contemplate.

"Careening into outer space on a solo mission."

It officially grew cold here and we even had snow! I could still see it on top of the mountains when I woke up this morning. The heat is turned on, the fireplace is lit, and the whole house smells like a campfire. After surviving a winter with no heat last year, I will never take heat for granted again. Oh glorious heating unit who keeps me warm...

And from what everyone else seems to have discussed without my formal knowledge, I'm out of this place for good on November 8th. That's great, but I still have not decided what to do. My boss is willing to help me find a place to rent in the area if I wanted to stay and work, which I think would be a good idea so I can still make money. Yet I'm wondering if I should just get out while I have the chance.

I've also been thinking that even if I moved somewhere else, I would still have to go back to my parents house to get my truck and everything else I own. So I think I've come to the conclusion that I will be back in Pennsylvania Nov. 8, but how long I'll be there and whether I'll come back to work is yet to be determined.

I did get a call back yesterday for a writing position at a marketing company I applied for. It was sort of an over-the-phone interview where they asked me a few questions to confirm the information on my application and then said I've reached the next level of the application process. Maybe this will solve my current/future situation. I'm hopeful... *crosses fingers*

"In the city with the pumpkin spice juicy juice."

I took a spontaneous road trip to Asheville, North Carolina. My friend-who-shall-remain-nameless recently moved there so we hung out at his apartment, went to a block party/festival/fair type thing where all the hippies in the area came together to listen to a techno band play some funky rave music in the tent-lined street, drove downtown to tour the cultural city life.

I love road trips, cities, spontaneity... and thus decided to take advantage of the opportunity. I used to do these things all the time no questions asked. I haven't had any real fun in nearly 3 months, so it was a much needed and perhaps a much deserved trip for me.

It was a last minute decision, so after I came home from work Friday night, I threw some necessities into my torn book bag with the Metallica patch and told my uncle I was going to Asheville for the weekend and walked out the door. [For me this is normal behavior, just ask my college roommates] I excitedly drove away into the rainy night, trying to find the switch to turn on the cab lights so I could read my chicken-scratched directions.

I've always been this way, at least subconsciously. I'm just finding out now, the hard way, how changed I've become... through experience; it's almost like the real me is finally revealing herself after years of certain suppression.

Now that I have the freedom to move on in my own direction, now I am able to fulfill what has already been lurking in the corners of my mind for years, despite my afterthoughts, and it's only leaving me confused. I have to look at myself through these new experiences in that all-maddening attempt in finding oneself.

Asheville is still a cool and very beautiful city. And I'm glad I had the chance to visit it. And after many a phone conversation, it was about time I actually saw the person I have been speaking to and grew to know.

It was a beautiful drive back too; a perfectly clear, blue, sunny day with all the leaves changing colors on the huge surrounding mountains. Amazing. I wanted to stop at all the "scenic overlook" signs I passed, but when I'm cruising along with the windows down and the radio blaring, I didn't want to stop and look at what I could already see.