My mood has been steadily growing worse with every passing moment, even while I sit here typing I can feel my anger and moroseness igniting. But I don't have to wonder why. I know why. And that's exactly what I am afraid of.
I am so damn tired all the time, it is not surprising to find myself annoyed by everything around me. It seems that when I do become exhausted enough to sleep solidly, I still wake up groggy, lacking energy or any amount of motivation to crawl out of bed.
I've been traveling quite a bit lately too, "keepin' the turnpike in business" as my dad says. Last weekend I drove 3 hours west towards Pittsburgh and back to retrieve my now fixed truck. Then I spent 2 days in Philadelphia during another snowstorm for an interview that didn't even happen. Today I had to drive north for lab work and more expensive prescriptions I don't really need.
And on top of unemployment and fatigue I realized that I still have trouble expressing my feelings. That might seem weird to those reading this, but what I mean is those raw feelings deep-seeded in the very core of your heart that allows one to open-up and feel a subliminal connection; "peering into one's soul".
I've been called on this flaw years ago, and the truth of it has been regurgitated through the silence of a recent conversation. I am in the middle of an epiphany with myself, or so I thought, since the last few months. I guess it hasn't been enough of a change to really be noticed. I notice it of course, but no one else can actually see what I'm thinking.
What good am I if I know and don't do,
I If I see and don't say, if I look right through you,
If I turn a deaf ear to the thunderin' sky,
What good am I?
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